I got teased a lot in school for different things; I was
really shy, never talked to anyone. I remember when I got into high school; I
overdosed and ended up in the hospital for a week. I got so much attention,
everybody came to visit me and bought me flowers, it was all about me for that
week, it felt really good. After that I
would do stuff like that to get attention again, I would take pills, and then I
started cutting my arms. I remember
sitting in class just carving on my arms just hoping someone would see it and
maybe see that I was hurting inside.
When I was 17 my friends took me to a party and that was the first time I ever drank, and I drank a lot. I acted really stupid but ended up being the centre of attention somehow and I thought that was really cool so, umm, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and drinking a lot more. I experimented with drugs I never really got into them. Alcohol was a way to kill the pain that I was feeling inside so I turned into a party girl.
I filled my life
with the bad things, bad music, bad movies, bad relationships. The more I did that stuff the more empty I
felt inside and I couldn’t find anything to fill that void that was inside of
me. I remember when I had hit rock
bottom once again and I was trying to think of a way how I could kill
myself. One of my friends invited me to
church and I went to Sagebrush and it was awesome, I didn’t know that church
was cool. I wasn’t changed overnight, it
was a slow process. I started getting
involved and serving on the lighting team but I was still trying to lead a
double life. I would go out and get
wasted the night before then go to church the next morning with a
hangover. I even threw up in the bathroom
one time; it was one of the lowest points.
But it was at that moment that I knew ok this isn’t
working anymore, slowly, I don’t know, something just started happening. I started getting rid of my music, my movies
and I wanted to stop drinking and that was the hardest thing for me. Then living free started and I started
serving there.
I haven’t had a drink now in 17 months, I couldn’t of
done it without God, I probably would have been dead if it wasn’t for him. There are pills and therapy and you can do
all that stuff but the only real answer is having a relationship with Jesus
Christ. Since then my life has just been
amazing, things keep happening that are so great. Bad things still happen, but I don’t look at
it as a bad thing. I just look at it as
a chance to get closer to God because it seems I talk to him more and listen to
him when bad things do happen. If my
friend had of never invited me to church, who knows what would have happened.
