I got teased a lot in school for different things; I was really shy, never talked to anyone. I remember when I got into high school; I overdosed and ended up in the hospital for a week. I got so much attention, everybody came to visit me and bought me flowers, it was all about me for that week, it felt really good. After that I would do stuff like that to get attention again, I would take pills, and then I started cutting my arms. I remember sitting in class just carving on my arms just hoping someone would see it and maybe see that I was hurting inside.
When I was 17 my friends took me to a party and that was the first time I ever drank, and I drank a lot. I acted really stupid but ended up being the centre of attention somehow and I thought that was really cool so, umm, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and drinking a lot more. I experimented with drugs I never really got into them. Alcohol was a way to kill the pain that I was feeling inside so I turned into a party girl.
I filled my life with the bad things, bad music, bad movies, bad relationships. The more I did that stuff the more empty I felt inside and I couldn’t find anything to fill that void that was inside of me. I remember when I had hit rock bottom once again and I was trying to think of a way how I could kill myself. One of my friends invited me to church and I went to Sagebrush and it was awesome, I didn’t know that church was cool. I wasn’t changed overnight, it was a slow process. I started getting involved and serving on the lighting team but I was still trying to lead a double life. I would go out and get wasted the night before then go to church the next morning with a hangover. I even threw up in the bathroom one time; it was one of the lowest points.
But it was at that moment that I knew ok this isn’t working anymore, slowly, I don’t know, something just started happening. I started getting rid of my music, my movies and I wanted to stop drinking and that was the hardest thing for me. Then living free started and I started serving there.
I haven’t had a drink now in 17 months, I couldn’t of done it without God, I probably would have been dead if it wasn’t for him. There are pills and therapy and you can do all that stuff but the only real answer is having a relationship with Jesus Christ. Since then my life has just been amazing, things keep happening that are so great. Bad things still happen, but I don’t look at it as a bad thing. I just look at it as a chance to get closer to God because it seems I talk to him more and listen to him when bad things do happen. If my friend had of never invited me to church, who knows what would have happened.